(no subject)

[theprodigaldoctor]

Normally, when he and Obi-Wan are finished for the night, Chase has a tendency to excuse himself before too much exploration can happen. Not that he's ashamed, because he's not. He's definitely in decent shape, but maybe because he's not ready for things to be serious on that level yet. Tonight is a reminder of why and as he rolls over, trying to catch an hour of sleep before he leaves, he can't find any kind of peace because his wound is aching and the scar is itching the way it tends to do right before it rains. Rather than leave, though, he sneaks into Obi-Wan's bathroom and shifts up his t-shirt to look at the wound.

He prods and pokes at it, grimacing when the ugly scar reminds him of how close he'd come to dying.

Now, it's just a reminder of how far he is from living. He still hasn't really gone back to work and still hasn't decided whether he's going to stay on his sabbatical and inevitably quit. House would say he can't just waste his time surfing, but the hospital doesn't feel the same since the stabbing.

Wincing, he glances over his shoulder and thinks it's probably time to head back to his own room. He creeps back into the bedroom once the light is off, trying hard not to disturb Obi-Wan, even though he knows that's a difficult thing to avoid.

Comments

[only_hope]

"You know I'm awake, don't you." Obi-Wan said it mildly, not wanting to put Chase on the spot. He was certainly fine with the current arrangement (more than fine, truth be told) and honestly, it was so far from even remotely breaking his vows that he thought he could stand a little more togetherness where Chase was concerned.

"It takes lighter feet than yours to sneak past a Jedi."

[theprodigaldoctor]

"I figured you were up," Chase admits, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching for his socks so he can slide them back on. He still hasn't decided whether he's going back to his room or not, but the action keeps him busy. He winces when it pulls at the wound a little more than he'd like, but he shakes that off with a look over his shoulder. "Did I wake you or were you up already?"

[only_hope]

"Already awake. The Force, remember?" Obi-Wan said, tapping his temple lightly. "I don't normally use it for ill purposes, or anything, but when I'm with someone, I can usually get a sense of their comings and goings and emotions, surface things. So I knew you were getting up. I can block out a bit better when I'm actively thinking about it."

He reached his hand out and trailed it lightly along his back. "You could stay, you know. I don't mind it."

[theprodigaldoctor]

Chase gives a noise of assent, still not entirely sure how the Force works, but he figures he'll take Obi-Wan's word for it. If he were House, maybe he'd want to dissect it apart and learn, but he's not. He leans back into the touch, rubbing tired eyes. "I'm not sure I'm going to get back to sleep," he admits. "I'd just toss and turn and keep you up, too."

[only_hope]

"So we'll be awake," Obi-Wan said, shrugging a little. "All I'm saying is that you don't have to sneak out of my bed in the middle of the night. If you want to stay over, you can stay over. I would like it if you did."

[theprodigaldoctor]

This is definitely the start of a different conversation than the one Chase had figured they were in for. It's not a bad one, but it is one that makes him wonder if they're going to redraw the boundaries. He tips his head lower and gives Obi-Wan a curious look. "Staying the night sort of implies things are getting a little more serious. You're still okay with us keeping this open, yeah?" he checks, not wanting to infringe on a rule he didn't know existed.

[only_hope]

"I have no other current interests but if you do, you're free to pursue them," Obi-Wan said. "Jedi...are not meant to have attachment, even if we might want it. My order might not exist any longer but that does not mean that I can't still keep to the tenets of my beliefs."

He tipped his head a bit, interrogative. "I also would not be opposed to breaking my vows. It depends on what you want."

[theprodigaldoctor]

Chase thinks about that for a second, giving Obi-Wan a long, curious look. "If your order is disbanded, why do you hold to the tenets of belief?" he wonders. "I mean, why not develop your own based on what you liked best about it before?"

"And what sort of vow-breaking are we talking?"

[only_hope]

"If I should choose to want one long-term partner with commitment, it would be against my Order," Obi-Wan explained.

"And it is hard to break that which has been a constant in your life for so long. Though, to be honest, I have never had a desire to break my vow until recently. Perhaps it is the dissolution of the Order itself...or perhaps it is the partner."

[theprodigaldoctor]

Chase shifts in the bed, sprawling out beside Obi-Wan as he gives him a somewhat amused smile and a laugh, curling in closer as he thinks about what he's said. "The sex is that good, huh?" he jokes, but there's a softness in his smile that belies the words. He settles himself and the smile turns a little harder as he reaches down to where he's been stabbed. "I was up because of this," he explains, thinking he needs to tell this before they talk about relationships or more. "I was stabbed, by a patient," he says.

"I nearly died," he says. "But I got better, only it sort of made me look at life differently. Then, I turned up here." He shrugs, not sure how to explain this best. "I felt like everything in my life had been for nothing. So I started to sleep with anyone I could, just to feel something. I made a big mistake at home and..." He sighs. "She was a nun. Until I got to her," he explains, a pain in his eyes. "I don't think I can do this twice in a row; make someone break their vows for me, twice, especially if this ends badly."

[only_hope]

"My Order no longer exists," Obi-Wan said gently. "And I feel no guilt or pain about being with you and wanting to have something more than just sex." He cupped Chase's shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

"I got my master killed. I made a mistake, I wasn't fast enough...I watched him die. I carried that guilt with me for a long time but at a certain point you eventually have to let it go. It takes longer for some than others, every situation is different...I only mean to say that I do not want you to carry guilt where I'm concerned."

[theprodigaldoctor]

The worst of it is that Chase hadn't made a mistake. He hadn't done anything wrong. The patient had just flipped out and taken the scalpel to him and his life had almost ended. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe he's having trouble coming to grips with the fact that he's not sure whether he learned any lesson from any of this.

"If you swear that I'm not causing you to change your beliefs," he insists. "I do like you, a lot. You're great looking and great to talk to, too," he admits.

[only_hope]

"I'm a Jedi, remember? I can steel my mind against more than a pretty face and a nice set of hands," Obi-Wan said, drawing his fingers through his hair. It would take more than a relationship to alter the core of him and while Anakin had fallen due to love it was because he put that love above all else - and the preservation of that love above the wishes of his beloved. It was fear and anger that drove Anakin to the Dark Side, not the love of Padme.

"Please stay? You don't have to run out every night. You can stay, if you want."

[theprodigaldoctor]

He's always heard about the pretty face, but this is the first time he's ever been complimented (sincerely) about his nice hands, given that House commenting sarcastically on them doesn't really count. He settles back under the covers when he's given the okay, giving Obi-Wan a brief little smile, though there's still some wariness in it. "Does that mean you're buying breakfast, too?"

[only_hope]

"I'd make it myself if we had the facilities. As it is, I'll buy," Obi-Wan said, sliding his arms around him. "Is this the first time you've ever had anything permanent with a man? Is that the reticence I sense from you or is it something else?"

Obi-Wan tried not to pry overly much with his gifts considering it put him at an unfair advantage to Chase and that was hardly something he wanted.

[theprodigaldoctor]

"It is," he admits, because guys have always been the easier, casual option. No relationships involved, no drama, just easy sex that he hadn't had to worry about. "I'm a little wary because I don't really know how to do this with another guy and it's not like my relationships with women work that smoothly either. I'm divorced," he says. "And given my religion, that's a big no-no, but things weren't working out between us." Cameron had always been after someone else, he'd figured out.

House, mainly, but her former husband, too.

[only_hope]

"I am not looking for a marriage," Obi-Wan said after a moment. It was not something that a Jedi sought out and he'd seen how marriage had changed Anakin. It was hardly something he wanted to risk.

"I would like something a little more committed with you, though. However you want to make that happen."

[theprodigaldoctor]

"I don't think I could be married again, either," Chase admits with a rough exhalation, giving Obi-Wan a wry smile. "Something more committed with me, though?" he echoes, because he kind of likes the notion of that. He just doesn't want to talk about it too much, in case something's wrong. "What kind of commitment are you looking for?" he asks, curling into Obi-Wan's heat a little more.

[only_hope]

"Sharing the same bed more nights than not? Spending time together that isn't about sexual gratification? Simple things," Obi-Wan admitted. "If that isn't too much for you, it is something that I would like."

Obi-Wan tried his best to be relaxed and casual about this even if it was something he felt strongly about and had felt strongly about for quite some time.

[theprodigaldoctor]

"So, dating? Really," he admits, his brow still furrowed even as he drapes his arm around Obi-Wan's waist, curling in closer to him as he debates what that really means. The truth is, it scares him just a little, but maybe it's that it doesn't seem so bad at all. "I think I could definitely manage dates. Drinks and dinner, maybe heading out to a few worlds."

"That's a good step, yeah?"

[only_hope]

"An excellent step," Obi-Wan agreed. "Who knows, we might even manage to give each other nicknames, eventually."

That was said with a cheeky grin because while Obi-Wan could be serious he often had to temper it with sarcasm.

[theprodigaldoctor]

"Do you want a nickname?" Chase teases, amused as he snakes a hand down to goose Obi-Wan's arse. "I mean, I'm not saying that I'm going to give you a good one, but I could probably ask my boss back in Jersey and he could come up with a humiliating ten or twenty or a hundred." God knows House had no problem with coming up with them for his team.

[only_hope]

Obi-Wan laughed and shook his head. "No, but Obi-Wan is kind of formal for every day use. It reminds me of being back in the temple teaching or something."

He thought for a moment and laced his fingers with Chase's, wanting to be close for a moment. "Ben is all right, though. I think I introduced myself as Ben the first time, didn't I?"

[theprodigaldoctor]

Chase nods, but he's never really been informal, given he goes by last names at work. "Ben," he says, even if he feels a touch odd, then, going by his last name. "I mean, I guess you could call me Rob, if you wanted?" he offers, squeezing their joined hands and staring at them with a touch of mild disbelief, given that he's never really been with a guy like this. Not properly. "No one really calls me Rob, anymore. Not since my divorce."

[only_hope]

"Only if you don't mind it," Obi-Wan said quietly, watching him carefully to try and get his reaction to it. Was it something just to offer because he had offered Ben? Or was it sincere. He could probe, clearly, but he did not want to; it would erase the trust between them.

"Rob, then."

[theprodigaldoctor]

"Nah, I don't," he admits, it's just that it's been a while since he's heard it. He gives Ben a smile as he settles back into the bed, taking a deep breath as he tries to reconcile all this in his head. "Maybe we could go for breakfast tomorrow?" he suggests, already trying this whole 'together' thing.

[only_hope]

"I'd like that," Obi-Wan said warmly. He tried to keep that acceptance simple, nothing with too much pressure. It was a departure from his vows, to some extent but it also seemed to be a departure for Chase as well. It was new to them both and new things were inherently frightening.

"We'll take it one step at a time, Rob. All right?"